April 13, 2026
You’re Not Stuck—You’re Invested: Why You Keep Going in the Wrong Direction
You’re not stuck—you’re invested. If you’ve ever felt like you’re going in the wrong direction but can’t seem to change course, this episode will challenge how you think about commitment, growth, and leadership.
And if you're looking for a mindset shift for leaders, especially women in leadership navigating difficult decisions, this episode will challenge how you think about staying the course and when to move on.
At some point, we all face a moment where something no longer feels right…but walking away feels harder than staying.
Why?
Because of what we’ve already invested.
In this episode, Shenita explores the hidden trap that keeps leaders stuck in misaligned roles, decisions, and environments—and why continuing forward isn’t always the most strategic move.
You’ll walk away with a new perspective on:
- Why letting go can feel like failure (even when it’s not)
- The internal and external pressures that influence our decisions
This episode is a reminder that leadership is more than decision-making.
Perfect for:
- Women in leadership navigating uncertainty or misalignment
- Professionals questioning whether to stay or make a change
- Leaders ready to rethink how they approach commitment and growth
- Anyone at a personal or professional crossroads
Sometimes the biggest shift isn’t doing more—it’s deciding when to pivot.
Sign up here for The Catalyst Newsletter.
Schedule some time on my calendar to talk through your challenge.
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WEBVTT
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[SPEAKER_00]: What do you do when you realize that you're going in the wrong direction?
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not just talking about on the road.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm talking about in your life, in your career, in your leadership.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Do you pause and reassess and make the appropriate modification so that you can course correct?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Or do you just keep going because you've already invested too much to turn around?
00:19.522 --> 00:28.030
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, all of us have had to deal with this at some point in life and often more times than what we would like to admit, but I want us to get into this today.
00:32.228 --> 00:33.813
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to Crossroads in Catalyst.
00:34.014 --> 00:35.339
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm your host, Shneeta Bee.
00:35.820 --> 00:44.871
[SPEAKER_00]: This is where we explore how a thoughtful, wise and strategic perspective at life's crossroads can become the catalyst for meaningful change in your leadership and life's direction.
00:45.188 --> 00:52.264
[SPEAKER_00]: So the last few episodes, we've been talking about discipline and taking ownership and even doing less but doing it more strategically.
00:52.324 --> 00:54.028
[SPEAKER_00]: So I want you to make sure to check those out.
00:54.669 --> 01:00.442
[SPEAKER_00]: But none of those things are going to matter if you're still holding on to something that no longer makes sense.
01:00.964 --> 01:03.349
[SPEAKER_00]: Just because you've already invested in it.
01:03.447 --> 01:05.832
[SPEAKER_00]: This is what we call the sunk cost fallacy.
01:06.493 --> 01:10.842
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's also something that I talked about in one of my recent newsletters, the catalyst.
01:11.283 --> 01:13.988
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you're not subscribed yet, then you will want to be.
01:14.048 --> 01:22.485
[SPEAKER_00]: So take a minute and click the link in the show notes because if you're really serious about staying ahead and how you think and lead, then you'll want to sign up for that.
01:22.465 --> 01:31.780
[SPEAKER_00]: So the sunk cost fallacy is pretty simple, when a decision is not working, we keep going anyway because of what we've already put into it.
01:32.461 --> 01:39.873
[SPEAKER_00]: Whether it's time, money, energy, effort, and your focus is on the wrong question.
01:40.474 --> 01:47.646
[SPEAKER_00]: So instead of asking yourself, is this still the right path, you're asking, well, how do I make this work since I'm already here?
01:47.997 --> 02:00.416
[SPEAKER_00]: And so we get caught up in the weeds, and we can't see the forest for the trees, because all we can see is what is right in front of us instead of further down the road.
02:00.757 --> 02:04.282
[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes what's right in front of us is not helpful to us.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It is not helpful to anyone else who might be impacted by that decision.
02:10.002 --> 02:17.554
[SPEAKER_00]: But we keep going because I've just gone too far and it's just too much for me to stop and turn it around now.
02:18.435 --> 02:20.438
[SPEAKER_00]: And you see this everywhere, right?
02:20.558 --> 02:22.782
[SPEAKER_00]: You see it at home and you see it at work.
02:23.383 --> 02:28.971
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm gonna give you an example because you can probably relate to this, either directly or indirectly.
02:29.712 --> 02:31.555
[SPEAKER_00]: So, imagine this.
02:32.648 --> 02:35.792
[SPEAKER_00]: have you ever dated someone for way longer than you should have?
02:36.573 --> 02:40.058
[SPEAKER_00]: Because, well, you'd already given too much to walk away.
02:41.100 --> 02:51.734
[SPEAKER_00]: Going back to the time and the energy, things like that, we've given all of those things, and sometimes even a part of yourself, and then you convince yourself that it would turn around, that it would change.
02:52.415 --> 02:53.897
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's the fallacy.
02:54.215 --> 02:55.297
[SPEAKER_00]: Does that sound familiar?
02:56.058 --> 02:58.522
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's not that you invested is the fallacy.
02:58.922 --> 03:00.986
[SPEAKER_00]: It's that you thought that it would turn around.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You thought that something was going to change.
03:03.670 --> 03:14.887
[SPEAKER_00]: There has been no significant change in whether it was a pattern of behavior or just some major red flag that kind of gave you that uneasy feeling.
03:14.928 --> 03:16.510
[SPEAKER_00]: It's something that's just not right.
03:18.008 --> 03:19.630
[SPEAKER_00]: but you just, you don't stop.
03:20.251 --> 03:23.716
[SPEAKER_00]: So I want you to tell yourself the truth because I've done this too.
03:24.076 --> 03:27.361
[SPEAKER_00]: So you're definitely in good company and there's no judgment here.
03:29.344 --> 03:43.223
[SPEAKER_00]: But when you don't take the time to give yourself the opportunity to assess and understand what is happening and ask yourself am I going in the direction where I really want to go?
03:44.553 --> 03:55.126
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, then you continue to go deeper and deeper into a problem that might be an extreme sport by the time it's all said and done in order for you to try to get out of it.
03:56.648 --> 04:02.636
[SPEAKER_00]: So then let's direct this to the workplace and ask ourselves how does it look?
04:02.656 --> 04:08.383
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I knew a leader who accepted a high profile position and was going all in,
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[SPEAKER_00]: as you would expect, right?
04:11.995 --> 04:20.727
[SPEAKER_00]: And this person was given that they're all despite having realized very early that accepting that role was a mistake, and it was not going well.
04:21.469 --> 04:23.852
[SPEAKER_00]: So what do you do when you recognize that it's not a fit?
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[SPEAKER_00]: It's not a good fit for you.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, regardless of how hard she tried to make it work,
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[SPEAKER_00]: It didn't matter.
04:31.336 --> 04:45.658
[SPEAKER_00]: She tried it all, meetings with leadership to address the concerns, coaching and mentoring, just as an attempt to try to sharpen the skill set and understand, okay, well, am I looking at this the wrong way or is what I'm seeing actually what is taking place?
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[SPEAKER_00]: But none of those things helped.
04:49.303 --> 04:51.246
[SPEAKER_00]: The situation did not improve.
04:51.766 --> 04:53.528
[SPEAKER_00]: and what was the result?
04:53.548 --> 04:57.113
[SPEAKER_00]: Anti-anxiety medication to keep calm and carry on.
04:57.133 --> 04:59.436
[SPEAKER_00]: We all know that, that lingo, right?
04:59.476 --> 05:00.637
[SPEAKER_00]: Keep calm and carry on.
05:01.819 --> 05:13.133
[SPEAKER_00]: So in this particular situation, a person in the prime of their lives goes from being a happy go-lucky optimist to a sad and anxiety-ridden peer.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So, everybody was impacted.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It was not just her.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It was her family.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It was her colleagues.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It was her team.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, everybody all the way up and down the chain and she was no better for it as a result.
05:28.450 --> 05:32.715
[SPEAKER_00]: And so this is not about judging the decision itself, okay?
05:32.735 --> 05:40.504
[SPEAKER_00]: Because it could have been a good one or not so good one from the start, but maybe you just didn't have enough information to help you to make
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[SPEAKER_00]: a better decision under the particular circumstances.
05:44.949 --> 05:48.635
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so we're not even gonna go down that rabbit hole.
05:49.377 --> 05:59.455
[SPEAKER_00]: But as time goes on and things begin to get clearer, or at least they should begin to get clearer, you dig in regardless of the fallout.
05:59.840 --> 06:09.789
[SPEAKER_00]: So everything could be going, hey, wire, there's madness in me, him and instead of you saying, okay, that decision to continue forward with this.
06:10.029 --> 06:11.411
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that didn't help me at all.
06:12.292 --> 06:14.454
[SPEAKER_00]: You say, well, no, I'm just going to keep on going.
06:14.774 --> 06:15.895
[SPEAKER_00]: It'll, it'll be okay.
06:15.915 --> 06:27.906
[SPEAKER_00]: It'll work out and you're continuing to give more and more of yourself and you're, you're stressing and frustrating yourself.
06:28.814 --> 06:31.058
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, of course, part of it is internal.
06:31.398 --> 06:33.963
[SPEAKER_00]: There's fear, there's pride, there's identity.
06:34.344 --> 06:42.558
[SPEAKER_00]: We've attached ourselves to certain decisions and somehow they're an expression of who we think that we are.
06:43.439 --> 06:47.346
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, and so then there's the part of it that's external.
06:47.326 --> 06:58.908
[SPEAKER_00]: because there are expectations, there's a pressure that is placed upon us, and there's a perception that we think others may have of us in a particular situation.
06:59.550 --> 07:04.980
[SPEAKER_00]: But at the core, I can tell you at the core of this, we're confusing
07:05.872 --> 07:07.735
[SPEAKER_00]: changing direction with failure.
07:08.496 --> 07:12.742
[SPEAKER_00]: And somehow we think that that's going to be signaling to others that we messed up.
07:12.762 --> 07:13.083
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
07:13.584 --> 07:17.770
[SPEAKER_00]: We think that walking away means that we got it wrong.
07:17.790 --> 07:18.851
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, let me tell you something.
07:19.673 --> 07:20.634
[SPEAKER_00]: Stay in too long.
07:21.255 --> 07:26.563
[SPEAKER_00]: In a situation that is not good for you is really the mistake.
07:27.083 --> 07:36.948
[SPEAKER_00]: Because when you settle for a situation that is harmful to your physical and mental well-being, you're telling yourself that that is all that you deserve.
07:37.549 --> 07:38.692
[SPEAKER_00]: I want you to think about that.
07:40.035 --> 07:43.945
[SPEAKER_00]: None of us sets out to do ourselves in.
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[SPEAKER_00]: it is not something that most of us consciously or conscientiously others.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We don't wake up and say, I'm going to make the worst decision for myself today.
07:56.027 --> 07:59.993
[SPEAKER_00]: And whatever comes,
07:59.973 --> 08:03.882
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just going to take it because I've already invested myself.
08:04.243 --> 08:08.092
[SPEAKER_00]: This is not how we talk to ourselves, and this is not even how we talk to each other.
08:08.874 --> 08:16.632
[SPEAKER_00]: But when you consider the fact that there is nothing good that is coming from a situation
08:16.612 --> 08:36.816
[SPEAKER_00]: where you continue to pour resources, time, energy, effort, attention into something and you're not reaping or gleaming any benefit and it's not benefiting anyone else because when you think of the larger context of leadership and at work, how does this help your organization?
08:37.978 --> 08:44.205
[SPEAKER_00]: Whole organizations have been destroyed because management, excuse me, leadership,
08:45.265 --> 09:08.775
[SPEAKER_00]: made a decision and instead of looking at the decision and saying oh you know what that this is not working we have we have metrics that show us that we're headed in the wrong direction and then what happens well then they're gone and the same thing that happens in families and households decisions are made and instead of recognizing you know what
09:08.755 --> 09:14.346
[SPEAKER_00]: we should rethink this because this is not, this is not working out, we just stay the course.
09:15.147 --> 09:21.900
[SPEAKER_00]: And before you know it, things have gone so far that they're almost irrecoverable.
09:23.383 --> 09:30.477
[SPEAKER_00]: So let me ask you this, where in your life are you still investing in something that no longer makes sense?
09:32.583 --> 09:51.385
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want you to rush that question because all of us encounter situations that require us to really ponder and contemplate what do we need to do to help us move toward our goal.
09:52.647 --> 09:54.389
[SPEAKER_00]: because it's not gonna be without struggle.
09:55.111 --> 10:11.634
[SPEAKER_00]: So I don't want you to take for granted that because you make a decision and then you hit a wall or you hit some type of struggle or challenge that that is your justification to quit or to go a completely different direction.
10:11.934 --> 10:12.816
[SPEAKER_00]: That's not my point.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We do have to exercise some discernment when it comes to things like this.
10:19.040 --> 10:30.038
[SPEAKER_00]: But you want to make sure that you're not pouring resources and energy into things that you can read the writing on the wall that it is not going to work.
10:32.202 --> 10:33.745
[SPEAKER_00]: So consider that seriously.
10:34.065 --> 10:37.832
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the other part of the question is, what are you holding on to?
10:37.872 --> 10:44.102
[SPEAKER_00]: Not because it's right, not because it's good, but because you've already put too much into it.
10:45.854 --> 10:57.180
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, I don't want to marginalize the fact that circumstances play a key role in the decisions that we make as they should, but ultimately.
10:58.443 --> 11:15.996
[SPEAKER_00]: When you have a better understanding of the context and you start to see how the internal and external factors are playing on those decisions and all of these things are mixed up together like a soup, you can see how it's going to work out.
11:17.275 --> 11:17.756
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
11:18.276 --> 11:24.265
[SPEAKER_00]: So I want you to consider those questions and figure out how you're going to move forward.
11:24.785 --> 11:25.286
[SPEAKER_00]: How is it?
11:25.486 --> 11:26.508
[SPEAKER_00]: How is this going to work out?
11:26.568 --> 11:36.121
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I'm a foreign believer that adversity and affliction are necessary for growth, because they challenge us to contemplate and recognize that life is not just about us.
11:38.865 --> 11:46.135
[SPEAKER_00]: And settling for the lie that you have to stick with it because you spent money or time,
11:47.667 --> 12:03.135
[SPEAKER_00]: And so keep this in mind too, because sometimes there are people around us who are offering us information, whether they're doing it with the intention of swaying us or not.
12:03.957 --> 12:11.430
[SPEAKER_00]: We're taking in a lot of things into consideration, whatever is in our environment to help us to make decisions.
12:13.908 --> 12:25.647
[SPEAKER_00]: be aware of what is feeding your decision making because a lot of this goes back to, you know, when we were kids, what did we see and what did we experience?
12:26.288 --> 12:32.558
[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes we get stuck because we have gone through some things at one point in time.
12:32.538 --> 12:40.230
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it just kind of keeps us there, so we don't oftentimes realize that we're encountering similar situations.
12:40.671 --> 12:46.199
[SPEAKER_00]: And so we keep making those decisions that keep us bound to something that is not good for us.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Ultimately, the decisions are up to you.
12:52.366 --> 13:17.715
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, this is not simply to say that you up and quit your job because things are not working out or you make a decision in relation to a relationship that may seem to have some challenges, you really need to understand where is it that I want to be and how have these decisions gotten me to this point.
13:18.218 --> 13:30.372
[SPEAKER_00]: And do I have to continue down this path, even though I recognize that it's not the right path for me, I want was good for you, and you should want was good for yourself.
13:31.668 --> 13:34.210
[SPEAKER_00]: So here's your catalyst, okay?
13:34.731 --> 13:37.393
[SPEAKER_00]: Stop asking what you've already spent.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You are not gonna get it back.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You're not gonna get the time back.
13:41.497 --> 13:42.639
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not gonna get the money back.
13:42.939 --> 13:47.523
[SPEAKER_00]: Whatever resources that you have dedicated to that decision that is already gone.
13:48.524 --> 13:55.771
[SPEAKER_00]: I want you to start asking yourself, what is it still costing to continue down this path?
13:57.393 --> 13:59.835
[SPEAKER_00]: What is this costing me to do this?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, because things are not always quantified in dollars and cents, I don't think that you can put a price.
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[SPEAKER_00]: on your peace of mind and your well-being.
14:13.121 --> 14:18.447
[SPEAKER_00]: And remember this, that your time is limited and your energy is valuable.
14:19.127 --> 14:26.615
[SPEAKER_00]: So choosing to stay in something that is draining you, physically, mentally, and emotionally, that's not a commitment, okay?
14:26.975 --> 14:27.996
[SPEAKER_00]: That is self neglect.
14:28.857 --> 14:32.120
[SPEAKER_00]: And what you're doing again is you're telling yourself that this is all that you deserve.
14:34.623 --> 14:38.867
[SPEAKER_00]: And so also consider that leadership is not just
14:39.927 --> 14:49.805
[SPEAKER_00]: It's really about having the courage to revisit those decisions and recognize, ah, well, that one didn't work out, so maybe I need to try something else.
14:51.087 --> 14:57.379
[SPEAKER_00]: And then sometimes the most strategic move that you can make is choosing not to continue down that path.
14:59.367 --> 15:08.219
[SPEAKER_00]: So, ponder that, okay, and if necessary, go back and hit the replay button so that you can listen to this episode again.
15:08.279 --> 15:12.684
[SPEAKER_00]: Because this is how we end up stuck.
15:14.066 --> 15:17.511
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is how we end up with less than desirable results.
15:18.412 --> 15:24.700
[SPEAKER_00]: When we choose to stay the course of something that we know is no longer
15:25.810 --> 15:34.613
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so if this resonated with you and you're navigating a challenge, then I invite you to connect with me so that we can talk it through together.
15:34.654 --> 15:41.592
[SPEAKER_00]: So check out my calendar in the show notes and click the link and set up some time.
15:41.572 --> 15:51.144
[SPEAKER_00]: And I want you to make sure that you stay tuned to the show because I'm going to be getting some details about an upcoming virtual workshop that I'm going to be doing soon.
15:51.444 --> 15:51.804
[SPEAKER_00]: All right?
15:52.705 --> 15:54.628
[SPEAKER_00]: So I appreciate that you have listened.
15:55.629 --> 16:11.308
[SPEAKER_00]: And until next time, be thoughtful, be wise, be strategic, and remember, Crossroads reveal who you are.
00:01.364 --> 00:04.307
[SPEAKER_00]: What do you do when you realize that you're going in the wrong direction?
00:04.947 --> 00:06.349
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not just talking about on the road.
00:06.669 --> 00:09.492
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm talking about in your life, in your career, in your leadership.
00:10.293 --> 00:15.197
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you pause and reassess and make the appropriate modification so that you can course correct?
00:15.678 --> 00:18.941
[SPEAKER_00]: Or do you just keep going because you've already invested too much to turn around?
00:19.522 --> 00:28.030
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, all of us have had to deal with this at some point in life and often more times than what we would like to admit, but I want us to get into this today.
00:32.228 --> 00:33.813
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to Crossroads in Catalyst.
00:34.014 --> 00:35.339
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm your host, Shneeta Bee.
00:35.820 --> 00:44.871
[SPEAKER_00]: This is where we explore how a thoughtful, wise and strategic perspective at life's crossroads can become the catalyst for meaningful change in your leadership and life's direction.
00:45.188 --> 00:52.264
[SPEAKER_00]: So the last few episodes, we've been talking about discipline and taking ownership and even doing less but doing it more strategically.
00:52.324 --> 00:54.028
[SPEAKER_00]: So I want you to make sure to check those out.
00:54.669 --> 01:00.442
[SPEAKER_00]: But none of those things are going to matter if you're still holding on to something that no longer makes sense.
01:00.964 --> 01:03.349
[SPEAKER_00]: Just because you've already invested in it.
01:03.447 --> 01:05.832
[SPEAKER_00]: This is what we call the sunk cost fallacy.
01:06.493 --> 01:10.842
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's also something that I talked about in one of my recent newsletters, the catalyst.
01:11.283 --> 01:13.988
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you're not subscribed yet, then you will want to be.
01:14.048 --> 01:22.485
[SPEAKER_00]: So take a minute and click the link in the show notes because if you're really serious about staying ahead and how you think and lead, then you'll want to sign up for that.
01:22.465 --> 01:31.780
[SPEAKER_00]: So the sunk cost fallacy is pretty simple, when a decision is not working, we keep going anyway because of what we've already put into it.
01:32.461 --> 01:39.873
[SPEAKER_00]: Whether it's time, money, energy, effort, and your focus is on the wrong question.
01:40.474 --> 01:47.646
[SPEAKER_00]: So instead of asking yourself, is this still the right path, you're asking, well, how do I make this work since I'm already here?
01:47.997 --> 02:00.416
[SPEAKER_00]: And so we get caught up in the weeds, and we can't see the forest for the trees, because all we can see is what is right in front of us instead of further down the road.
02:00.757 --> 02:04.282
[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes what's right in front of us is not helpful to us.
02:04.683 --> 02:09.330
[SPEAKER_00]: It is not helpful to anyone else who might be impacted by that decision.
02:10.002 --> 02:17.554
[SPEAKER_00]: But we keep going because I've just gone too far and it's just too much for me to stop and turn it around now.
02:18.435 --> 02:20.438
[SPEAKER_00]: And you see this everywhere, right?
02:20.558 --> 02:22.782
[SPEAKER_00]: You see it at home and you see it at work.
02:23.383 --> 02:28.971
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm gonna give you an example because you can probably relate to this, either directly or indirectly.
02:29.712 --> 02:31.555
[SPEAKER_00]: So, imagine this.
02:32.648 --> 02:35.792
[SPEAKER_00]: have you ever dated someone for way longer than you should have?
02:36.573 --> 02:40.058
[SPEAKER_00]: Because, well, you'd already given too much to walk away.
02:41.100 --> 02:51.734
[SPEAKER_00]: Going back to the time and the energy, things like that, we've given all of those things, and sometimes even a part of yourself, and then you convince yourself that it would turn around, that it would change.
02:52.415 --> 02:53.897
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's the fallacy.
02:54.215 --> 02:55.297
[SPEAKER_00]: Does that sound familiar?
02:56.058 --> 02:58.522
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's not that you invested is the fallacy.
02:58.922 --> 03:00.986
[SPEAKER_00]: It's that you thought that it would turn around.
03:01.046 --> 03:03.249
[SPEAKER_00]: You thought that something was going to change.
03:03.670 --> 03:14.887
[SPEAKER_00]: There has been no significant change in whether it was a pattern of behavior or just some major red flag that kind of gave you that uneasy feeling.
03:14.928 --> 03:16.510
[SPEAKER_00]: It's something that's just not right.
03:18.008 --> 03:19.630
[SPEAKER_00]: but you just, you don't stop.
03:20.251 --> 03:23.716
[SPEAKER_00]: So I want you to tell yourself the truth because I've done this too.
03:24.076 --> 03:27.361
[SPEAKER_00]: So you're definitely in good company and there's no judgment here.
03:29.344 --> 03:43.223
[SPEAKER_00]: But when you don't take the time to give yourself the opportunity to assess and understand what is happening and ask yourself am I going in the direction where I really want to go?
03:44.553 --> 03:55.126
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, then you continue to go deeper and deeper into a problem that might be an extreme sport by the time it's all said and done in order for you to try to get out of it.
03:56.648 --> 04:02.636
[SPEAKER_00]: So then let's direct this to the workplace and ask ourselves how does it look?
04:02.656 --> 04:08.383
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I knew a leader who accepted a high profile position and was going all in,
04:08.971 --> 04:10.533
[SPEAKER_00]: as you would expect, right?
04:11.995 --> 04:20.727
[SPEAKER_00]: And this person was given that they're all despite having realized very early that accepting that role was a mistake, and it was not going well.
04:21.469 --> 04:23.852
[SPEAKER_00]: So what do you do when you recognize that it's not a fit?
04:23.932 --> 04:24.993
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not a good fit for you.
04:26.375 --> 04:29.680
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, regardless of how hard she tried to make it work,
04:30.655 --> 04:31.316
[SPEAKER_00]: It didn't matter.
04:31.336 --> 04:45.658
[SPEAKER_00]: She tried it all, meetings with leadership to address the concerns, coaching and mentoring, just as an attempt to try to sharpen the skill set and understand, okay, well, am I looking at this the wrong way or is what I'm seeing actually what is taking place?
04:46.940 --> 04:48.722
[SPEAKER_00]: But none of those things helped.
04:49.303 --> 04:51.246
[SPEAKER_00]: The situation did not improve.
04:51.766 --> 04:53.528
[SPEAKER_00]: and what was the result?
04:53.548 --> 04:57.113
[SPEAKER_00]: Anti-anxiety medication to keep calm and carry on.
04:57.133 --> 04:59.436
[SPEAKER_00]: We all know that, that lingo, right?
04:59.476 --> 05:00.637
[SPEAKER_00]: Keep calm and carry on.
05:01.819 --> 05:13.133
[SPEAKER_00]: So in this particular situation, a person in the prime of their lives goes from being a happy go-lucky optimist to a sad and anxiety-ridden peer.
05:13.552 --> 05:15.594
[SPEAKER_00]: So, everybody was impacted.
05:15.695 --> 05:16.556
[SPEAKER_00]: It was not just her.
05:17.236 --> 05:18.097
[SPEAKER_00]: It was her family.
05:18.198 --> 05:19.079
[SPEAKER_00]: It was her colleagues.
05:19.119 --> 05:19.880
[SPEAKER_00]: It was her team.
05:20.340 --> 05:28.430
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, everybody all the way up and down the chain and she was no better for it as a result.
05:28.450 --> 05:32.715
[SPEAKER_00]: And so this is not about judging the decision itself, okay?
05:32.735 --> 05:40.504
[SPEAKER_00]: Because it could have been a good one or not so good one from the start, but maybe you just didn't have enough information to help you to make
05:41.362 --> 05:44.888
[SPEAKER_00]: a better decision under the particular circumstances.
05:44.949 --> 05:48.635
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so we're not even gonna go down that rabbit hole.
05:49.377 --> 05:59.455
[SPEAKER_00]: But as time goes on and things begin to get clearer, or at least they should begin to get clearer, you dig in regardless of the fallout.
05:59.840 --> 06:09.789
[SPEAKER_00]: So everything could be going, hey, wire, there's madness in me, him and instead of you saying, okay, that decision to continue forward with this.
06:10.029 --> 06:11.411
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that didn't help me at all.
06:12.292 --> 06:14.454
[SPEAKER_00]: You say, well, no, I'm just going to keep on going.
06:14.774 --> 06:15.895
[SPEAKER_00]: It'll, it'll be okay.
06:15.915 --> 06:27.906
[SPEAKER_00]: It'll work out and you're continuing to give more and more of yourself and you're, you're stressing and frustrating yourself.
06:28.814 --> 06:31.058
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, of course, part of it is internal.
06:31.398 --> 06:33.963
[SPEAKER_00]: There's fear, there's pride, there's identity.
06:34.344 --> 06:42.558
[SPEAKER_00]: We've attached ourselves to certain decisions and somehow they're an expression of who we think that we are.
06:43.439 --> 06:47.346
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, and so then there's the part of it that's external.
06:47.326 --> 06:58.908
[SPEAKER_00]: because there are expectations, there's a pressure that is placed upon us, and there's a perception that we think others may have of us in a particular situation.
06:59.550 --> 07:04.980
[SPEAKER_00]: But at the core, I can tell you at the core of this, we're confusing
07:05.872 --> 07:07.735
[SPEAKER_00]: changing direction with failure.
07:08.496 --> 07:12.742
[SPEAKER_00]: And somehow we think that that's going to be signaling to others that we messed up.
07:12.762 --> 07:13.083
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
07:13.584 --> 07:17.770
[SPEAKER_00]: We think that walking away means that we got it wrong.
07:17.790 --> 07:18.851
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, let me tell you something.
07:19.673 --> 07:20.634
[SPEAKER_00]: Stay in too long.
07:21.255 --> 07:26.563
[SPEAKER_00]: In a situation that is not good for you is really the mistake.
07:27.083 --> 07:36.948
[SPEAKER_00]: Because when you settle for a situation that is harmful to your physical and mental well-being, you're telling yourself that that is all that you deserve.
07:37.549 --> 07:38.692
[SPEAKER_00]: I want you to think about that.
07:40.035 --> 07:43.945
[SPEAKER_00]: None of us sets out to do ourselves in.
07:44.768 --> 07:50.217
[SPEAKER_00]: it is not something that most of us consciously or conscientiously others.
07:50.818 --> 07:54.865
[SPEAKER_00]: We don't wake up and say, I'm going to make the worst decision for myself today.
07:56.027 --> 07:59.993
[SPEAKER_00]: And whatever comes,
07:59.973 --> 08:03.882
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just going to take it because I've already invested myself.
08:04.243 --> 08:08.092
[SPEAKER_00]: This is not how we talk to ourselves, and this is not even how we talk to each other.
08:08.874 --> 08:16.632
[SPEAKER_00]: But when you consider the fact that there is nothing good that is coming from a situation
08:16.612 --> 08:36.816
[SPEAKER_00]: where you continue to pour resources, time, energy, effort, attention into something and you're not reaping or gleaming any benefit and it's not benefiting anyone else because when you think of the larger context of leadership and at work, how does this help your organization?
08:37.978 --> 08:44.205
[SPEAKER_00]: Whole organizations have been destroyed because management, excuse me, leadership,
08:45.265 --> 09:08.775
[SPEAKER_00]: made a decision and instead of looking at the decision and saying oh you know what that this is not working we have we have metrics that show us that we're headed in the wrong direction and then what happens well then they're gone and the same thing that happens in families and households decisions are made and instead of recognizing you know what
09:08.755 --> 09:14.346
[SPEAKER_00]: we should rethink this because this is not, this is not working out, we just stay the course.
09:15.147 --> 09:21.900
[SPEAKER_00]: And before you know it, things have gone so far that they're almost irrecoverable.
09:23.383 --> 09:30.477
[SPEAKER_00]: So let me ask you this, where in your life are you still investing in something that no longer makes sense?
09:32.583 --> 09:51.385
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want you to rush that question because all of us encounter situations that require us to really ponder and contemplate what do we need to do to help us move toward our goal.
09:52.647 --> 09:54.389
[SPEAKER_00]: because it's not gonna be without struggle.
09:55.111 --> 10:11.634
[SPEAKER_00]: So I don't want you to take for granted that because you make a decision and then you hit a wall or you hit some type of struggle or challenge that that is your justification to quit or to go a completely different direction.
10:11.934 --> 10:12.816
[SPEAKER_00]: That's not my point.
10:13.176 --> 10:17.963
[SPEAKER_00]: We do have to exercise some discernment when it comes to things like this.
10:19.040 --> 10:30.038
[SPEAKER_00]: But you want to make sure that you're not pouring resources and energy into things that you can read the writing on the wall that it is not going to work.
10:32.202 --> 10:33.745
[SPEAKER_00]: So consider that seriously.
10:34.065 --> 10:37.832
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the other part of the question is, what are you holding on to?
10:37.872 --> 10:44.102
[SPEAKER_00]: Not because it's right, not because it's good, but because you've already put too much into it.
10:45.854 --> 10:57.180
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, I don't want to marginalize the fact that circumstances play a key role in the decisions that we make as they should, but ultimately.
10:58.443 --> 11:15.996
[SPEAKER_00]: When you have a better understanding of the context and you start to see how the internal and external factors are playing on those decisions and all of these things are mixed up together like a soup, you can see how it's going to work out.
11:17.275 --> 11:17.756
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
11:18.276 --> 11:24.265
[SPEAKER_00]: So I want you to consider those questions and figure out how you're going to move forward.
11:24.785 --> 11:25.286
[SPEAKER_00]: How is it?
11:25.486 --> 11:26.508
[SPEAKER_00]: How is this going to work out?
11:26.568 --> 11:36.121
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I'm a foreign believer that adversity and affliction are necessary for growth, because they challenge us to contemplate and recognize that life is not just about us.
11:38.865 --> 11:46.135
[SPEAKER_00]: And settling for the lie that you have to stick with it because you spent money or time,
11:47.667 --> 12:03.135
[SPEAKER_00]: And so keep this in mind too, because sometimes there are people around us who are offering us information, whether they're doing it with the intention of swaying us or not.
12:03.957 --> 12:11.430
[SPEAKER_00]: We're taking in a lot of things into consideration, whatever is in our environment to help us to make decisions.
12:13.908 --> 12:25.647
[SPEAKER_00]: be aware of what is feeding your decision making because a lot of this goes back to, you know, when we were kids, what did we see and what did we experience?
12:26.288 --> 12:32.558
[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes we get stuck because we have gone through some things at one point in time.
12:32.538 --> 12:40.230
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it just kind of keeps us there, so we don't oftentimes realize that we're encountering similar situations.
12:40.671 --> 12:46.199
[SPEAKER_00]: And so we keep making those decisions that keep us bound to something that is not good for us.
12:47.862 --> 12:51.087
[SPEAKER_00]: Ultimately, the decisions are up to you.
12:52.366 --> 13:17.715
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, this is not simply to say that you up and quit your job because things are not working out or you make a decision in relation to a relationship that may seem to have some challenges, you really need to understand where is it that I want to be and how have these decisions gotten me to this point.
13:18.218 --> 13:30.372
[SPEAKER_00]: And do I have to continue down this path, even though I recognize that it's not the right path for me, I want was good for you, and you should want was good for yourself.
13:31.668 --> 13:34.210
[SPEAKER_00]: So here's your catalyst, okay?
13:34.731 --> 13:37.393
[SPEAKER_00]: Stop asking what you've already spent.
13:37.894 --> 13:39.075
[SPEAKER_00]: You are not gonna get it back.
13:39.836 --> 13:41.077
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not gonna get the time back.
13:41.497 --> 13:42.639
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not gonna get the money back.
13:42.939 --> 13:47.523
[SPEAKER_00]: Whatever resources that you have dedicated to that decision that is already gone.
13:48.524 --> 13:55.771
[SPEAKER_00]: I want you to start asking yourself, what is it still costing to continue down this path?
13:57.393 --> 13:59.835
[SPEAKER_00]: What is this costing me to do this?
14:01.233 --> 14:09.623
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, because things are not always quantified in dollars and cents, I don't think that you can put a price.
14:09.738 --> 14:11.900
[SPEAKER_00]: on your peace of mind and your well-being.
14:13.121 --> 14:18.447
[SPEAKER_00]: And remember this, that your time is limited and your energy is valuable.
14:19.127 --> 14:26.615
[SPEAKER_00]: So choosing to stay in something that is draining you, physically, mentally, and emotionally, that's not a commitment, okay?
14:26.975 --> 14:27.996
[SPEAKER_00]: That is self neglect.
14:28.857 --> 14:32.120
[SPEAKER_00]: And what you're doing again is you're telling yourself that this is all that you deserve.
14:34.623 --> 14:38.867
[SPEAKER_00]: And so also consider that leadership is not just
14:39.927 --> 14:49.805
[SPEAKER_00]: It's really about having the courage to revisit those decisions and recognize, ah, well, that one didn't work out, so maybe I need to try something else.
14:51.087 --> 14:57.379
[SPEAKER_00]: And then sometimes the most strategic move that you can make is choosing not to continue down that path.
14:59.367 --> 15:08.219
[SPEAKER_00]: So, ponder that, okay, and if necessary, go back and hit the replay button so that you can listen to this episode again.
15:08.279 --> 15:12.684
[SPEAKER_00]: Because this is how we end up stuck.
15:14.066 --> 15:17.511
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is how we end up with less than desirable results.
15:18.412 --> 15:24.700
[SPEAKER_00]: When we choose to stay the course of something that we know is no longer
15:25.810 --> 15:34.613
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so if this resonated with you and you're navigating a challenge, then I invite you to connect with me so that we can talk it through together.
15:34.654 --> 15:41.592
[SPEAKER_00]: So check out my calendar in the show notes and click the link and set up some time.
15:41.572 --> 15:51.144
[SPEAKER_00]: And I want you to make sure that you stay tuned to the show because I'm going to be getting some details about an upcoming virtual workshop that I'm going to be doing soon.
15:51.444 --> 15:51.804
[SPEAKER_00]: All right?
15:52.705 --> 15:54.628
[SPEAKER_00]: So I appreciate that you have listened.
15:55.629 --> 16:11.308
[SPEAKER_00]: And until next time, be thoughtful, be wise, be strategic, and remember, Crossroads reveal who you are.