March 30, 2026
Stop Waiting to Be Chosen: Leadership Skills to Take Control of Your Career & Life
Struggling with career growth, leadership skills, or feeling overlooked at work? Wondering why your hard work isn’t translating into new opportunities? This leadership podcast episode explores what’s really happening when you find yourself waiting to be chosen—and how that pattern may be holding you back.
Shenita breaks down the hidden costs of waiting, using practical leadership frameworks and real-world insight to challenge the idea that patience alone leads to progress. You’ll gain a new perspective on how this behavior shows up in your decision-making, your voice, and your visibility—both in your career and in your life.
Perfect for women in leadership, new and emerging leaders, and professionals who feel stuck, overlooked, or ready to take ownership of their next move.
Schedule time on my calendar to strategize your next move.
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WEBVTT
00:01.077 --> 00:03.962
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you remember being in gym class when teams were being picked?
00:04.943 --> 00:11.154
[SPEAKER_00]: Some kids were chosen first, and others just stood there, hoping that their name would get called, and that they wouldn't be last.
00:12.075 --> 00:15.782
[SPEAKER_00]: And if we're honest, sometimes you didn't get picked until there was no one left.
00:16.763 --> 00:18.186
[SPEAKER_00]: Some of you are still living like that.
00:18.827 --> 00:20.149
[SPEAKER_00]: You're waiting and you're hoping.
00:20.433 --> 00:22.701
[SPEAKER_00]: and nothing is happening the way that you anticipated.
00:23.363 --> 00:25.590
[SPEAKER_00]: You think that you're being patient, but you're not.
00:26.493 --> 00:31.149
[SPEAKER_00]: And at some point, you have to stop standing there and pick yourself.
00:31.169 --> 00:32.012
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's get into it.
00:39.603 --> 00:41.106
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to Crossroads in Catalyst.
00:41.206 --> 00:42.449
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm your host, Shnita B.
00:42.910 --> 00:51.027
[SPEAKER_00]: This is where we explore how a thoughtful, wise, and strategic perspective at life's crossroads can become the catalyst for meaningful change in your life and leadership.
00:51.889 --> 00:54.675
[SPEAKER_00]: So today we're talking about the cost of waiting to be chosen.
00:55.297 --> 01:23.093
[SPEAKER_00]: And as I was thinking through how to approach this particular subject, I want to shake things up a little bit and really get you thinking about why this matters, which is the reason why I pointed back to childhood because we all have memories that we can recall where we felt like we didn't have a voice and that we were not being chosen, not because we weren't capable, but because someone else thought that we didn't have what it takes.
01:23.427 --> 01:31.415
[SPEAKER_00]: So going back to that gym class example, I think we all know that kids can be cruel and so can the world, including the workplace.
01:32.316 --> 01:41.205
[SPEAKER_00]: So you're waiting around for someone to choose you when it may have already been made clear that other options are being pursued and you are not one of them.
01:42.106 --> 01:42.827
[SPEAKER_00]: Think about that.
01:43.528 --> 01:45.510
[SPEAKER_00]: That does not sit well, does it?
01:46.171 --> 01:50.515
[SPEAKER_00]: You might be calling it patience and you might even be thinking that it's humility.
01:50.579 --> 02:00.499
[SPEAKER_00]: and what I think that it is is a bit of conditioning, and at some point in your life, you were taught directly or indirectly to wait your turn to be selected.
02:01.581 --> 02:07.373
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think any of us likes the idea that our livelihood, that our value,
02:07.353 --> 02:15.785
[SPEAKER_00]: is in the hands of someone else who is assessed and in most cases wrongly that we are not capable of a thing.
02:16.746 --> 02:21.092
[SPEAKER_00]: And the problem with that is that conditioning doesn't just disappear when you became an adult.
02:22.274 --> 02:29.884
[SPEAKER_00]: It shows up even in your silence when you avoid asserting yourself and it also shows up when you keep doing more.
02:30.033 --> 02:33.817
[SPEAKER_00]: without acknowledgement, without any direction, without any clarity.
02:33.837 --> 02:45.011
[SPEAKER_00]: You just continue doing great things, wonderful things, you're outworkin' and outpacing everyone else, but you're not even getting the kudos and the credit that are due to you.
02:46.673 --> 02:49.196
[SPEAKER_00]: And believe me, that conditioning, it comes with a cost.
02:51.038 --> 02:53.381
[SPEAKER_00]: And let me tell you what, how weird it starts.
02:54.402 --> 02:56.344
[SPEAKER_00]: First, it cost you time.
02:56.459 --> 02:58.444
[SPEAKER_00]: And you didn't have an unlimited supply of that.
02:58.504 --> 02:59.747
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think you already know that.
02:59.787 --> 03:08.730
[SPEAKER_00]: And do you really want to spend time on a job or even a relationship that is not producing anything meaningful?
03:09.790 --> 03:15.620
[SPEAKER_00]: I want you to think about that, because this is not just simply about what is happening in the workplace.
03:16.080 --> 03:29.964
[SPEAKER_00]: This is about everything that's happening in your life, because while the context might be just a little bit different, your response tends to be very similar in either situation, alright?
03:30.585 --> 03:34.431
[SPEAKER_00]: And the second thing that it cost you is opportunity.
03:35.153 --> 03:39.758
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me tell you, if you never advocate for yourself, how will anyone know that you want more?
03:40.258 --> 03:42.281
[SPEAKER_00]: How will they know what you want period?
03:42.741 --> 03:51.230
[SPEAKER_00]: If you have never shared that, if you have never given voice to your thoughts, your ideas, your inspirations, and your goals.
03:52.832 --> 03:56.175
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the third thing, it calls you peace of mind.
03:56.896 --> 03:59.659
[SPEAKER_00]: And that is something that you just can't put a price.
04:00.095 --> 04:01.397
[SPEAKER_00]: on your piece of mind.
04:02.138 --> 04:12.415
[SPEAKER_00]: Because while everything else is moving forward, you're stuck in your head, you're overthinking, you're second guessing, you're building frustration and all of these things lead to resentment.
04:13.937 --> 04:16.741
[SPEAKER_00]: So then let's go a little bit deeper with this.
04:17.543 --> 04:19.346
[SPEAKER_00]: Because what is it that keeps you waiting?
04:20.908 --> 04:23.993
[SPEAKER_00]: And yes, I did mention that conditioning, I think, is a part of it.
04:24.513 --> 04:30.461
[SPEAKER_00]: But I think that there's also something else that's going on here, because you've accepted something as true.
04:31.462 --> 04:32.824
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is what I mean by that.
04:33.365 --> 04:41.316
[SPEAKER_00]: When you have internalized the idea that waiting is just how it works, that someone else has to validate you, they have to recognize you and choose you.
04:41.356 --> 04:43.939
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a form of self-deception.
04:44.358 --> 04:57.679
[SPEAKER_00]: And in my opinion, self-deception is the most dangerous kind of deception because there is no one else who can pull you out of it until you come to the realization that what you have believed about yourself is incorrect.
04:58.941 --> 05:00.303
[SPEAKER_00]: No one can tell you anything.
05:00.343 --> 05:04.009
[SPEAKER_00]: So let me tell you what I think that this actually looks like.
05:04.630 --> 05:12.222
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, the way that this plays out in real life is it looks like fear camouflaged as patients.
05:13.332 --> 05:22.703
[SPEAKER_00]: And you think that if you put yourself out there that you might get rejected and to be clear and to be sure, there is a possibility that you might get rejected.
05:23.004 --> 05:34.718
[SPEAKER_00]: But the worst thing to someone can tell you is no, you owe it to yourself to go after what it is that you want, whether it is in your personal life or in your work life.
05:36.040 --> 05:42.107
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, another thing that it looks like is complacency,
05:42.678 --> 05:44.480
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, I don't want you to get this wrong, okay?
05:45.480 --> 05:53.127
[SPEAKER_00]: You can be content where you are, but if complacency is underneath that, then that's gonna be temporary.
05:53.827 --> 05:56.390
[SPEAKER_00]: And basically, it's a mirage and it will fade.
05:56.930 --> 06:07.599
[SPEAKER_00]: And you'll start to recognize that as you continue on, because you think that you're perfectly content, but things around you are not really lining up the way that you anticipated that they would.
06:07.960 --> 06:12.043
[SPEAKER_00]: And so now you understand
06:12.023 --> 06:23.175
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, this is not going the way that I wanted it, something is a missier, and so this reminds me about some things earlier in my career when I was trying to move up in a particular company where I worked.
06:24.076 --> 06:25.918
[SPEAKER_00]: And I thought I was doing great.
06:26.599 --> 06:30.023
[SPEAKER_00]: I was doing great work that I was delivering.
06:30.383 --> 06:31.204
[SPEAKER_00]: I was performing.
06:31.244 --> 06:31.985
[SPEAKER_00]: I was showing up.
06:32.085 --> 06:34.207
[SPEAKER_00]: I was doing all the things.
06:34.228 --> 06:34.868
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know what?
06:35.769 --> 06:36.390
[SPEAKER_00]: It didn't matter.
06:37.251 --> 06:38.232
[SPEAKER_00]: It didn't get me noticed.
06:38.352 --> 06:41.035
[SPEAKER_00]: It didn't get me an interview and it didn't even get me considered.
06:41.993 --> 06:48.257
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I had to even be honest with myself, I had to think about what was going on and what I was doing.
06:49.081 --> 06:54.088
[SPEAKER_00]: And the one thing that I did walk away with is that I had made my aspirations clear.
06:54.688 --> 06:56.811
[SPEAKER_00]: And I definitely hadn't positioned myself.
06:57.172 --> 07:03.840
[SPEAKER_00]: And the one thing, the other thing that I realized is that I didn't build the relationship capital that I needed in order to proceed.
07:04.181 --> 07:12.552
[SPEAKER_00]: Of course, my boss knew who I was, my colleagues knew who I was, but there were those above and beyond that who didn't know who I was.
07:12.632 --> 07:18.700
[SPEAKER_00]: They didn't know the level of work that I produced
07:19.287 --> 07:22.171
[SPEAKER_00]: And so what I want to know is does that sound familiar to you?
07:23.452 --> 07:27.738
[SPEAKER_00]: Because if it does, then now I think you should recognize that that's a crossroads.
07:29.660 --> 07:34.026
[SPEAKER_00]: And think about this for a minute, because some of you have never left that gym class.
07:35.327 --> 07:36.549
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is what I mean by that.
07:37.210 --> 07:40.213
[SPEAKER_00]: The environment changed, but the behavior didn't.
07:41.475 --> 07:47.843
[SPEAKER_00]: You're still standing there and you're waiting for someone else to decide your future.
07:48.835 --> 07:59.014
[SPEAKER_00]: Any time where you have to consider what you might have contributed to where you are in a current situation, it is never
08:00.040 --> 08:04.045
[SPEAKER_00]: It's never one of those things that you really look forward to doing.
08:04.786 --> 08:17.703
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, not only is it uncomfortable, but it can be painful, and it can be madening, it can even be a little bit disorienting, especially when things are not working out the way that you plan them to.
08:18.584 --> 08:22.369
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, that feeling is real and we don't want to ignore that.
08:22.349 --> 08:27.439
[SPEAKER_00]: but we also do not want to use that as an excuse for staying stuck.
08:28.361 --> 08:43.750
[SPEAKER_00]: So right now, I want you to understand that the way that you feel, no one else can change that, and I'm not asking you to change the way that you feel, but what I am asking you to do is change the way that you respond to your circumstances.
08:44.303 --> 09:02.728
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, and this actually reminds me of something that I teach my grandson about emotions, and what I tell him is that he's allowed to feel those emotions, but he's going to have to learn to respond to them without allowing them to sit in the driver's seat.
09:02.748 --> 09:08.556
[SPEAKER_00]: And so is that what you have done is that what you have done and allow your vision to be clouded.
09:09.768 --> 09:16.477
[SPEAKER_00]: because at that crossroads, you're gonna have to make a decision and it starts with looking introspectively.
09:17.398 --> 09:20.242
[SPEAKER_00]: Now think about that because that's the word that we don't hear very often.
09:22.185 --> 09:24.748
[SPEAKER_00]: And doing this is not to place blame.
09:25.549 --> 09:33.480
[SPEAKER_00]: It is about taking responsibility because regardless of what circumstance you find yourself in,
09:34.473 --> 09:39.479
[SPEAKER_00]: someone will assign something to you that doesn't necessarily belong to you.
09:40.279 --> 09:48.428
[SPEAKER_00]: They will say that you're incapable or that you're well enough to do this, you're good enough to do this, but you're not good enough to do that over there.
09:48.468 --> 09:51.191
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not at the level where we need you to be.
09:51.592 --> 09:58.119
[SPEAKER_00]: There's some additional work that you need to do and believe me, this happens in the personal and the professional arenas.
09:58.159 --> 10:03.585
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm sure a lot of you can attest that this is the truth.
10:04.848 --> 10:09.453
[SPEAKER_00]: But the deal is, the decision is still up to you.
10:09.513 --> 10:18.823
[SPEAKER_00]: If you find that people are constantly pigeonholing you and putting you in a box and saying that you can only do this, well then you have a choice to make.
10:20.045 --> 10:24.189
[SPEAKER_00]: Because if you don't choose yourself, you will be managed by other people's decisions.
10:25.511 --> 10:29.235
[SPEAKER_00]: So you have to stop outsourcing the decision making for your life.
10:30.262 --> 10:35.749
[SPEAKER_00]: whether that's your career or your relationships, or anything that you put your mind in your hand, too.
10:36.742 --> 10:48.276
[SPEAKER_00]: Because again, it is easy for people to lock you into something, especially if you do not put a voice to your thoughts and your aspirations.
10:48.857 --> 10:50.359
[SPEAKER_00]: People do not read your mind.
10:50.679 --> 10:52.421
[SPEAKER_00]: They read your behavior.
10:52.922 --> 10:57.908
[SPEAKER_00]: And your behavior will tell them what it is that you're okay with.
10:58.849 --> 11:05.517
[SPEAKER_00]: So if they continue to see that you're not speaking up, well, then your silence is affirmation.
11:05.665 --> 11:06.946
[SPEAKER_00]: that what they think is true.
11:08.248 --> 11:09.789
[SPEAKER_00]: That's really what it comes down to.
11:10.590 --> 11:16.616
[SPEAKER_00]: And then what happens from there, the regret is gonna set in if you don't do something about it.
11:17.377 --> 11:20.460
[SPEAKER_00]: And the resentment is definitely gonna start to show.
11:21.301 --> 11:22.662
[SPEAKER_00]: And you don't want that to happen.
11:23.703 --> 11:25.605
[SPEAKER_00]: So here's the question that I want you to ponder.
11:27.027 --> 11:28.668
[SPEAKER_00]: What decision have you been delaying?
11:31.251 --> 11:35.335
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the other question,
11:36.833 --> 11:38.635
[SPEAKER_00]: Because this is not just about your career.
11:38.695 --> 11:40.577
[SPEAKER_00]: This is really about how you lead your life.
11:41.659 --> 11:45.623
[SPEAKER_00]: You do not stop being who you are when you show up to work.
11:46.885 --> 11:53.693
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, the only difference is the people that work, they only see you for a few hours a day, a few days a week.
11:55.495 --> 11:58.859
[SPEAKER_00]: Your family and your friends, they grew up with you.
11:59.239 --> 12:00.681
[SPEAKER_00]: They know who you are.
12:01.117 --> 12:07.287
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, which is why sometimes it's easy to get a stuck and pitch and hold even with your family.
12:08.910 --> 12:11.955
[SPEAKER_00]: So this, this is why I want you to consider these things.
12:13.358 --> 12:17.905
[SPEAKER_00]: Because you are not that kid and gym class anymore, standing there and hoping that somebody picks you.
12:18.867 --> 12:21.792
[SPEAKER_00]: You do not have to stand there anymore.
12:22.447 --> 12:31.656
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, you are a perfectly capable and intelligent adult who has the opportunity to do wonderful and great things.
12:32.718 --> 12:38.263
[SPEAKER_00]: The deal is, are you willing to take the necessary action to get there?
12:38.664 --> 12:42.908
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you willing to put a voice to your goals and aspirations?
12:44.530 --> 12:45.971
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what you have to consider.
12:47.493 --> 12:49.635
[SPEAKER_00]: Your future requires your participation.
12:50.645 --> 12:56.335
[SPEAKER_00]: And you have to start that today in your career, in your life, and in all of it.
12:58.458 --> 13:05.446
[SPEAKER_00]: And I hope that this is making sense, because taking ownership is messy work, okay?
13:06.047 --> 13:16.259
[SPEAKER_00]: And all of us don't have someone who we can turn to, to ask advice, to be a sounding board and bounce ideas off of.
13:17.520 --> 13:28.313
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes we're just not in the position to where we think that the person that we need actually has the capacity or the ability even to assist.
13:28.833 --> 13:42.221
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that's where I come in, because if you want someone to support you, as you go through this process of taking ownership and working through what actions you might need to take, well then I'm here to help you to do that.
13:42.661 --> 13:47.211
[SPEAKER_00]: So you can schedule some time on my calendar and we can get together and talk through it.
13:47.672 --> 13:50.217
[SPEAKER_00]: The link is going to be in the show notes.
13:50.888 --> 13:53.691
[SPEAKER_00]: And additionally, I want to hear from you, okay?
13:53.771 --> 14:00.219
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to know about what topics you would like for me to cover, and you can do this by leaving a voicemail on my website.
14:00.239 --> 14:14.676
[SPEAKER_00]: Just go to crossroadsandcatalyst.com and hit that little microphone icon and record your message and I will listen to that and make sure to get that in the notes so that we can see how we can go about addressing those topics.
14:15.337 --> 14:16.238
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay?
14:16.505 --> 14:27.858
[SPEAKER_00]: So until next time, be thoughtful, be wise, be strategic, and remember, crossroads reveal who you are, catalyst shape who you become, every decision matters.
14:28.340 --> 14:29.082
[SPEAKER_00]: So make it count.
14:29.764 --> 14:30.767
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll talk to you next week.
00:01.077 --> 00:03.962
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you remember being in gym class when teams were being picked?
00:04.943 --> 00:11.154
[SPEAKER_00]: Some kids were chosen first, and others just stood there, hoping that their name would get called, and that they wouldn't be last.
00:12.075 --> 00:15.782
[SPEAKER_00]: And if we're honest, sometimes you didn't get picked until there was no one left.
00:16.763 --> 00:18.186
[SPEAKER_00]: Some of you are still living like that.
00:18.827 --> 00:20.149
[SPEAKER_00]: You're waiting and you're hoping.
00:20.433 --> 00:22.701
[SPEAKER_00]: and nothing is happening the way that you anticipated.
00:23.363 --> 00:25.590
[SPEAKER_00]: You think that you're being patient, but you're not.
00:26.493 --> 00:31.149
[SPEAKER_00]: And at some point, you have to stop standing there and pick yourself.
00:31.169 --> 00:32.012
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's get into it.
00:39.603 --> 00:41.106
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to Crossroads in Catalyst.
00:41.206 --> 00:42.449
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm your host, Shnita B.
00:42.910 --> 00:51.027
[SPEAKER_00]: This is where we explore how a thoughtful, wise, and strategic perspective at life's crossroads can become the catalyst for meaningful change in your life and leadership.
00:51.889 --> 00:54.675
[SPEAKER_00]: So today we're talking about the cost of waiting to be chosen.
00:55.297 --> 01:23.093
[SPEAKER_00]: And as I was thinking through how to approach this particular subject, I want to shake things up a little bit and really get you thinking about why this matters, which is the reason why I pointed back to childhood because we all have memories that we can recall where we felt like we didn't have a voice and that we were not being chosen, not because we weren't capable, but because someone else thought that we didn't have what it takes.
01:23.427 --> 01:31.415
[SPEAKER_00]: So going back to that gym class example, I think we all know that kids can be cruel and so can the world, including the workplace.
01:32.316 --> 01:41.205
[SPEAKER_00]: So you're waiting around for someone to choose you when it may have already been made clear that other options are being pursued and you are not one of them.
01:42.106 --> 01:42.827
[SPEAKER_00]: Think about that.
01:43.528 --> 01:45.510
[SPEAKER_00]: That does not sit well, does it?
01:46.171 --> 01:50.515
[SPEAKER_00]: You might be calling it patience and you might even be thinking that it's humility.
01:50.579 --> 02:00.499
[SPEAKER_00]: and what I think that it is is a bit of conditioning, and at some point in your life, you were taught directly or indirectly to wait your turn to be selected.
02:01.581 --> 02:07.373
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think any of us likes the idea that our livelihood, that our value,
02:07.353 --> 02:15.785
[SPEAKER_00]: is in the hands of someone else who is assessed and in most cases wrongly that we are not capable of a thing.
02:16.746 --> 02:21.092
[SPEAKER_00]: And the problem with that is that conditioning doesn't just disappear when you became an adult.
02:22.274 --> 02:29.884
[SPEAKER_00]: It shows up even in your silence when you avoid asserting yourself and it also shows up when you keep doing more.
02:30.033 --> 02:33.817
[SPEAKER_00]: without acknowledgement, without any direction, without any clarity.
02:33.837 --> 02:45.011
[SPEAKER_00]: You just continue doing great things, wonderful things, you're outworkin' and outpacing everyone else, but you're not even getting the kudos and the credit that are due to you.
02:46.673 --> 02:49.196
[SPEAKER_00]: And believe me, that conditioning, it comes with a cost.
02:51.038 --> 02:53.381
[SPEAKER_00]: And let me tell you what, how weird it starts.
02:54.402 --> 02:56.344
[SPEAKER_00]: First, it cost you time.
02:56.459 --> 02:58.444
[SPEAKER_00]: And you didn't have an unlimited supply of that.
02:58.504 --> 02:59.747
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think you already know that.
02:59.787 --> 03:08.730
[SPEAKER_00]: And do you really want to spend time on a job or even a relationship that is not producing anything meaningful?
03:09.790 --> 03:15.620
[SPEAKER_00]: I want you to think about that, because this is not just simply about what is happening in the workplace.
03:16.080 --> 03:29.964
[SPEAKER_00]: This is about everything that's happening in your life, because while the context might be just a little bit different, your response tends to be very similar in either situation, alright?
03:30.585 --> 03:34.431
[SPEAKER_00]: And the second thing that it cost you is opportunity.
03:35.153 --> 03:39.758
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me tell you, if you never advocate for yourself, how will anyone know that you want more?
03:40.258 --> 03:42.281
[SPEAKER_00]: How will they know what you want period?
03:42.741 --> 03:51.230
[SPEAKER_00]: If you have never shared that, if you have never given voice to your thoughts, your ideas, your inspirations, and your goals.
03:52.832 --> 03:56.175
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the third thing, it calls you peace of mind.
03:56.896 --> 03:59.659
[SPEAKER_00]: And that is something that you just can't put a price.
04:00.095 --> 04:01.397
[SPEAKER_00]: on your piece of mind.
04:02.138 --> 04:12.415
[SPEAKER_00]: Because while everything else is moving forward, you're stuck in your head, you're overthinking, you're second guessing, you're building frustration and all of these things lead to resentment.
04:13.937 --> 04:16.741
[SPEAKER_00]: So then let's go a little bit deeper with this.
04:17.543 --> 04:19.346
[SPEAKER_00]: Because what is it that keeps you waiting?
04:20.908 --> 04:23.993
[SPEAKER_00]: And yes, I did mention that conditioning, I think, is a part of it.
04:24.513 --> 04:30.461
[SPEAKER_00]: But I think that there's also something else that's going on here, because you've accepted something as true.
04:31.462 --> 04:32.824
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is what I mean by that.
04:33.365 --> 04:41.316
[SPEAKER_00]: When you have internalized the idea that waiting is just how it works, that someone else has to validate you, they have to recognize you and choose you.
04:41.356 --> 04:43.939
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a form of self-deception.
04:44.358 --> 04:57.679
[SPEAKER_00]: And in my opinion, self-deception is the most dangerous kind of deception because there is no one else who can pull you out of it until you come to the realization that what you have believed about yourself is incorrect.
04:58.941 --> 05:00.303
[SPEAKER_00]: No one can tell you anything.
05:00.343 --> 05:04.009
[SPEAKER_00]: So let me tell you what I think that this actually looks like.
05:04.630 --> 05:12.222
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, the way that this plays out in real life is it looks like fear camouflaged as patients.
05:13.332 --> 05:22.703
[SPEAKER_00]: And you think that if you put yourself out there that you might get rejected and to be clear and to be sure, there is a possibility that you might get rejected.
05:23.004 --> 05:34.718
[SPEAKER_00]: But the worst thing to someone can tell you is no, you owe it to yourself to go after what it is that you want, whether it is in your personal life or in your work life.
05:36.040 --> 05:42.107
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, another thing that it looks like is complacency,
05:42.678 --> 05:44.480
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, I don't want you to get this wrong, okay?
05:45.480 --> 05:53.127
[SPEAKER_00]: You can be content where you are, but if complacency is underneath that, then that's gonna be temporary.
05:53.827 --> 05:56.390
[SPEAKER_00]: And basically, it's a mirage and it will fade.
05:56.930 --> 06:07.599
[SPEAKER_00]: And you'll start to recognize that as you continue on, because you think that you're perfectly content, but things around you are not really lining up the way that you anticipated that they would.
06:07.960 --> 06:12.043
[SPEAKER_00]: And so now you understand
06:12.023 --> 06:23.175
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, this is not going the way that I wanted it, something is a missier, and so this reminds me about some things earlier in my career when I was trying to move up in a particular company where I worked.
06:24.076 --> 06:25.918
[SPEAKER_00]: And I thought I was doing great.
06:26.599 --> 06:30.023
[SPEAKER_00]: I was doing great work that I was delivering.
06:30.383 --> 06:31.204
[SPEAKER_00]: I was performing.
06:31.244 --> 06:31.985
[SPEAKER_00]: I was showing up.
06:32.085 --> 06:34.207
[SPEAKER_00]: I was doing all the things.
06:34.228 --> 06:34.868
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know what?
06:35.769 --> 06:36.390
[SPEAKER_00]: It didn't matter.
06:37.251 --> 06:38.232
[SPEAKER_00]: It didn't get me noticed.
06:38.352 --> 06:41.035
[SPEAKER_00]: It didn't get me an interview and it didn't even get me considered.
06:41.993 --> 06:48.257
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I had to even be honest with myself, I had to think about what was going on and what I was doing.
06:49.081 --> 06:54.088
[SPEAKER_00]: And the one thing that I did walk away with is that I had made my aspirations clear.
06:54.688 --> 06:56.811
[SPEAKER_00]: And I definitely hadn't positioned myself.
06:57.172 --> 07:03.840
[SPEAKER_00]: And the one thing, the other thing that I realized is that I didn't build the relationship capital that I needed in order to proceed.
07:04.181 --> 07:12.552
[SPEAKER_00]: Of course, my boss knew who I was, my colleagues knew who I was, but there were those above and beyond that who didn't know who I was.
07:12.632 --> 07:18.700
[SPEAKER_00]: They didn't know the level of work that I produced
07:19.287 --> 07:22.171
[SPEAKER_00]: And so what I want to know is does that sound familiar to you?
07:23.452 --> 07:27.738
[SPEAKER_00]: Because if it does, then now I think you should recognize that that's a crossroads.
07:29.660 --> 07:34.026
[SPEAKER_00]: And think about this for a minute, because some of you have never left that gym class.
07:35.327 --> 07:36.549
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is what I mean by that.
07:37.210 --> 07:40.213
[SPEAKER_00]: The environment changed, but the behavior didn't.
07:41.475 --> 07:47.843
[SPEAKER_00]: You're still standing there and you're waiting for someone else to decide your future.
07:48.835 --> 07:59.014
[SPEAKER_00]: Any time where you have to consider what you might have contributed to where you are in a current situation, it is never
08:00.040 --> 08:04.045
[SPEAKER_00]: It's never one of those things that you really look forward to doing.
08:04.786 --> 08:17.703
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, not only is it uncomfortable, but it can be painful, and it can be madening, it can even be a little bit disorienting, especially when things are not working out the way that you plan them to.
08:18.584 --> 08:22.369
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, that feeling is real and we don't want to ignore that.
08:22.349 --> 08:27.439
[SPEAKER_00]: but we also do not want to use that as an excuse for staying stuck.
08:28.361 --> 08:43.750
[SPEAKER_00]: So right now, I want you to understand that the way that you feel, no one else can change that, and I'm not asking you to change the way that you feel, but what I am asking you to do is change the way that you respond to your circumstances.
08:44.303 --> 09:02.728
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, and this actually reminds me of something that I teach my grandson about emotions, and what I tell him is that he's allowed to feel those emotions, but he's going to have to learn to respond to them without allowing them to sit in the driver's seat.
09:02.748 --> 09:08.556
[SPEAKER_00]: And so is that what you have done is that what you have done and allow your vision to be clouded.
09:09.768 --> 09:16.477
[SPEAKER_00]: because at that crossroads, you're gonna have to make a decision and it starts with looking introspectively.
09:17.398 --> 09:20.242
[SPEAKER_00]: Now think about that because that's the word that we don't hear very often.
09:22.185 --> 09:24.748
[SPEAKER_00]: And doing this is not to place blame.
09:25.549 --> 09:33.480
[SPEAKER_00]: It is about taking responsibility because regardless of what circumstance you find yourself in,
09:34.473 --> 09:39.479
[SPEAKER_00]: someone will assign something to you that doesn't necessarily belong to you.
09:40.279 --> 09:48.428
[SPEAKER_00]: They will say that you're incapable or that you're well enough to do this, you're good enough to do this, but you're not good enough to do that over there.
09:48.468 --> 09:51.191
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not at the level where we need you to be.
09:51.592 --> 09:58.119
[SPEAKER_00]: There's some additional work that you need to do and believe me, this happens in the personal and the professional arenas.
09:58.159 --> 10:03.585
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm sure a lot of you can attest that this is the truth.
10:04.848 --> 10:09.453
[SPEAKER_00]: But the deal is, the decision is still up to you.
10:09.513 --> 10:18.823
[SPEAKER_00]: If you find that people are constantly pigeonholing you and putting you in a box and saying that you can only do this, well then you have a choice to make.
10:20.045 --> 10:24.189
[SPEAKER_00]: Because if you don't choose yourself, you will be managed by other people's decisions.
10:25.511 --> 10:29.235
[SPEAKER_00]: So you have to stop outsourcing the decision making for your life.
10:30.262 --> 10:35.749
[SPEAKER_00]: whether that's your career or your relationships, or anything that you put your mind in your hand, too.
10:36.742 --> 10:48.276
[SPEAKER_00]: Because again, it is easy for people to lock you into something, especially if you do not put a voice to your thoughts and your aspirations.
10:48.857 --> 10:50.359
[SPEAKER_00]: People do not read your mind.
10:50.679 --> 10:52.421
[SPEAKER_00]: They read your behavior.
10:52.922 --> 10:57.908
[SPEAKER_00]: And your behavior will tell them what it is that you're okay with.
10:58.849 --> 11:05.517
[SPEAKER_00]: So if they continue to see that you're not speaking up, well, then your silence is affirmation.
11:05.665 --> 11:06.946
[SPEAKER_00]: that what they think is true.
11:08.248 --> 11:09.789
[SPEAKER_00]: That's really what it comes down to.
11:10.590 --> 11:16.616
[SPEAKER_00]: And then what happens from there, the regret is gonna set in if you don't do something about it.
11:17.377 --> 11:20.460
[SPEAKER_00]: And the resentment is definitely gonna start to show.
11:21.301 --> 11:22.662
[SPEAKER_00]: And you don't want that to happen.
11:23.703 --> 11:25.605
[SPEAKER_00]: So here's the question that I want you to ponder.
11:27.027 --> 11:28.668
[SPEAKER_00]: What decision have you been delaying?
11:31.251 --> 11:35.335
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the other question,
11:36.833 --> 11:38.635
[SPEAKER_00]: Because this is not just about your career.
11:38.695 --> 11:40.577
[SPEAKER_00]: This is really about how you lead your life.
11:41.659 --> 11:45.623
[SPEAKER_00]: You do not stop being who you are when you show up to work.
11:46.885 --> 11:53.693
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, the only difference is the people that work, they only see you for a few hours a day, a few days a week.
11:55.495 --> 11:58.859
[SPEAKER_00]: Your family and your friends, they grew up with you.
11:59.239 --> 12:00.681
[SPEAKER_00]: They know who you are.
12:01.117 --> 12:07.287
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, which is why sometimes it's easy to get a stuck and pitch and hold even with your family.
12:08.910 --> 12:11.955
[SPEAKER_00]: So this, this is why I want you to consider these things.
12:13.358 --> 12:17.905
[SPEAKER_00]: Because you are not that kid and gym class anymore, standing there and hoping that somebody picks you.
12:18.867 --> 12:21.792
[SPEAKER_00]: You do not have to stand there anymore.
12:22.447 --> 12:31.656
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, you are a perfectly capable and intelligent adult who has the opportunity to do wonderful and great things.
12:32.718 --> 12:38.263
[SPEAKER_00]: The deal is, are you willing to take the necessary action to get there?
12:38.664 --> 12:42.908
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you willing to put a voice to your goals and aspirations?
12:44.530 --> 12:45.971
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what you have to consider.
12:47.493 --> 12:49.635
[SPEAKER_00]: Your future requires your participation.
12:50.645 --> 12:56.335
[SPEAKER_00]: And you have to start that today in your career, in your life, and in all of it.
12:58.458 --> 13:05.446
[SPEAKER_00]: And I hope that this is making sense, because taking ownership is messy work, okay?
13:06.047 --> 13:16.259
[SPEAKER_00]: And all of us don't have someone who we can turn to, to ask advice, to be a sounding board and bounce ideas off of.
13:17.520 --> 13:28.313
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes we're just not in the position to where we think that the person that we need actually has the capacity or the ability even to assist.
13:28.833 --> 13:42.221
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that's where I come in, because if you want someone to support you, as you go through this process of taking ownership and working through what actions you might need to take, well then I'm here to help you to do that.
13:42.661 --> 13:47.211
[SPEAKER_00]: So you can schedule some time on my calendar and we can get together and talk through it.
13:47.672 --> 13:50.217
[SPEAKER_00]: The link is going to be in the show notes.
13:50.888 --> 13:53.691
[SPEAKER_00]: And additionally, I want to hear from you, okay?
13:53.771 --> 14:00.219
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to know about what topics you would like for me to cover, and you can do this by leaving a voicemail on my website.
14:00.239 --> 14:14.676
[SPEAKER_00]: Just go to crossroadsandcatalyst.com and hit that little microphone icon and record your message and I will listen to that and make sure to get that in the notes so that we can see how we can go about addressing those topics.
14:15.337 --> 14:16.238
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay?
14:16.505 --> 14:27.858
[SPEAKER_00]: So until next time, be thoughtful, be wise, be strategic, and remember, crossroads reveal who you are, catalyst shape who you become, every decision matters.
14:28.340 --> 14:29.082
[SPEAKER_00]: So make it count.
14:29.764 --> 14:30.767
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll talk to you next week.